Just call me slacker

So I’ve been totally slacking on everything lately. My energy has come back a little bit but I’m realizing that I can’t manage to sleep more than 6 hours a night even if I try so here I am, awake before dawn because I was so tired last night that I went to sleep at 10 instead of 1 or 2 like normal. It sucks.

I’m at 12 weeks now and I’m feeling better about this pregnancy. Bishop and I are doing stuff to get ready for baby. Today after my sis’s appt we are going through all our clothes and getting rid of the ones we don’t wear or want so we can get rid of our dresser and can use a shelf thing instead. Basically the idea is that we hang up everything but underwear, socks and jeans so we can use a shelving unit for that stuff and use cloth drawers for the underwear and socks. Should cut down on space since our dresser right now is a behemoth and isn’t really being used. This will make space for the crib and changing table Bishop is going to start building soon. I can’t wait!

Another thing, I’ve been working on a baby registry online for my online friends to participate in my baby shower, but the other day I had a great idea. We live in hippy country and we love tie-dye so we have already planned to have a bunch of tie-dye onesies that I will make myself. Well, I think if my online friends want to do that they can buy a onesie (or a 3/5 pack), tie it and either dye it themselves or send it to me tied so I can dye it for them. That way it’s a more personalized item and they will all get pics of baby wearing them. Too cool in my opinion.

Mom and Granny are getting all excited about baby, it kind of annoys me but I guess that is to be expected. This is Mom’s first grandchild and although this is Granny’s 9th great grandchild this is the first one she is going to be able to see anytime (the rest live 400 miles away and she hasn’t really gotten to see them much).

I had to go buy maternity clothes the other day, my jeans just wouldn’t snap and they almost hurt when I moved in them. I was surprised at the lack of maternity clothes available. I realize that I live in a really small community and that there are limited resources for this kind of stuff but come on! I went to the only 2 places to get the clothes, K-Mart and Target, K-Mart had like 1 rack of cheesy shirts and some pants that aren’t the best in quality and target had 3 racks, 2 of them being dresses (I don’t wear dresses) and the other was maternity swim suits (I don’t need one of those). What was left was shirts in outrageous colors and prints (what, are we in the 70’s again?!?) and jeans that were either way to long or way too short for me. Where in the hell can I find petite maternity jeans? Don’t they think short people get pregnant? Mom says in our society today it’s OK to have kids but not OK to be pregnant. I’m starting to think that is true. Well, online maternity shopping here I come!

Dreams and such

So I’ve been having some seriously whacked out dreams lately, making me wonder what I’ve been eating or what I’ve been watching/reading and it’s all been really tame stuff. So I’ve decided that tonight I’m going to experiment with my dreams by watching a crazy, really crazy movie before I go to sleep. So here I am, at 1:35 am, watching The Beach. I saw it when it came out at a midnight showing at the local theater and I was impressed by the insane level of it. I’m wondering what I’ll dream tonight. Should be interesting!

Not much is going on in my life. My toe is way better but my bruise is still really slow to heal. The Dr said it was common and not to worry about it much. I still worry about it though, I’m going to need my boobies soon and I don’t want them damaged. Most of my late nights lately have been searching for something I found years ago. An easily removed nipple ring that looks like a nipple shield but is one piece. It’s for breast feeding and I really don’t want to lose my piercings because if I do, I’m not getting them re-pierced. I’ve never felt pain like that before and they took 6 months to heal. That was 6 months of wearing a bra 24 hours a day and Bishop couldn’t touch them. I could barely touch them to clean them. I’m not going through that again. I’m also looking into finding a nipple ring/barbell that you can breast feed with. So far no luck, though I’ve found many websites from lactation nurses/experts that say it’s possible with a normal ring, you just have to be careful about it. (Any help with finding these items would be greatly appreciated!)

My Dr asked me about CVS testing when I was there on Wednesday. I refused but she looked at me like she knew something I didn’t know and now I’m questioning my refusal. I don’t know. I would love to have another u/s before my big one to find out the sex but I don’t want to know if there is the possibility of bad news. I don’t want to anticipate what it will be like, I would rather not know until birth. The midwife at the office agreed with me, it took so long to get pregnant that to ruin it with that worry would make me miserable. I know genetic abnormalities are rare and I have a VERY low chance of any problems but I just don’t know about the testing.

I’m starting to get anxious and excited about being pregnant. My grandmother gave me a big chunk of money for me to put away for the baby. It might go for supplies for Bishop to build our baby furniture but I don’t know yet. I added it to my collection with hopes that it wouldn’t be spent on anything else. I’m so glad that Bishop got a raise with work so we can save more but that means that we will have to skimp on other things but I guess we will have to get used to that until we get into the baby groove. I think the mindframe is already setting in for all of us. It’s so cool!

Another stressful day…

So today sucked. This morning I was all jazzed to go swimming, we get there late, I jump in the pool and catch my pinkie toe on the side of the pool and pull about half the skin off of it. OUCH!!!! It’s still killing me, it keeps bleeding, and every time I walk it screams at me. Seriously sucky experience. I just hope it has started to heal by the time I go swimming again.

Another major stresser today was granny. Last night she ended up in the hospital again, because of her diverticulitis again, because she isn’t eating what she should, again. Mom had to lay down the law to her today, and I had to be there to help. If she doesn’t start taking care of herself, eating what she should and not buying crap that she knows makes her sick, then she can’t live alone anymore. She is just going to accept it. I’m going to be taking her to a Dr appt tomorrow and I’m going to have to tell her all of it again. I know that she doesn’t like it but this is about the 10th time she has been in the hospital in a year and it really can’t continue. Most of those trips have been because she isn’t doing what she is supposed to be doing. She is fine now, and at home by herself none the worse for the wear. I actually took her grocery shopping today and she keep talking about replanting her garden.

So along with those things my finger is hurt. I did it to myself, I was playing with one of my cats and he accidentally bit me, hard, and punctured my finger, top and bottom. It’s trying to fight off the infection and it hurts so much. I’m finding that I’ve been hard time healing. Like I have this bruise on both my knee and my boob. They keep getting bigger and it’s kinda starting to worry me. I’ll ask the Dr on Wednesday about it, she may have a suggestion.

A day to myself

Today I got most of the day to myself. I rarely get that because of Sis but this morning Bishop took her to the drag strip from 10 am to 3 pm. And what did I do in those 5 hours to myself? Well, I chatted with some of my friends online, I worked on my baby registry online, I ate like 3 times and I took a nap. They came home and were all loud and excited which was fine but I was asleep when they walked in the door. Bishop went over to a friend’s house and Lindsey laid down for a nap so the house is quiet again. I love a quiet house.

Last night I had a hard time sleeping, but the reason was really cute. I sat up at 1am and looked down and found out why I couldn’t get comfortable… So I kicked some of them off the bed and fell asleep right away…

Nothing new with my pregnancy, I have an appt on Wednesday but it’s nothing important, just an annual exam but I might get to hear the heartbeat. I’m actually starting to get excited, I’m almost at the second trimester point and I’m still feeling really good, not pregnant but good all the same. My online friends are planning a online baby shower for me and I have to say you all are so cool! I don’t really have any girl friends around me and the only family I have near by is mom and granny. Mom wants us to take a trip up to the Fred Meyer in Brookings, Oregon (about a 90 minute drive) and get everything I will need there. That sounds good too, but I’m already not looking forward to driving that long with mom, sis and granny.

Mood swings and other stuff

Today was a mess. I stayed up way too late last night watching silly movies (Clueless, Excess Baggage) and I didn’t actually go to sleep until after 5 am. This morning I was woke up at 8 am (the one day the alarm doesn’t go off Bishop decides not to sleep in!) and mom called right away thinking it was Monday and wanting me to go to Arcata with her. Um, no mom, it’s Sunday. So we ended up going out to breakfast and I went over to her house and typed up some stuff for her. Then we were talking about my dad and all the crap he pulled when we were kids and it made me all depressed. I came home and crashed out instead of murdering sis and Bishop.

When I got up Bishop asked me if I could watch Tom’s kids while they went and did some errands and I said no problem. Sis and I ate and got ready to go over there while I waited for him to call me. After 2 hours waiting I finally called him. Tom doesn’t want to go do errands, doesn’t feel like it so Bishop didn’t think it was important to call me and update me. Boy, I feel like chopped liver.

Hours later he came home and wanted to cuddle with me. First of all I’ve never been comfortable with cuddling, it just doesn’t feel good to be stuck in one position with his body partially laying on me. Second, my hips have been hurting so much that sitting on my side like that for a long period of time, like he wants to, really hurts. He doesn’t understand and was all upset. So I laid on the couch with him a little bit until I started getting heartburn from laying on my right side and had to move. He decided to go to bed then, in a huff, so I’m waiting until he is totally asleep before I go to bed.

I don’t know why I’m feeling like this, I don’t want him to touch me at all anymore and almost every day I am irritated by any little thing he does or doesn’t do. I hate feeling like this. Right now, I would love to be just left alone for about a week so I can get used to myself and calm down. I realized today that I don’t have a outlet for anger or frustration, instead everyone dumps on me and I just have to shrug it off and not let it affect me. And it’s not possible. I really wish I had a good friend that lives near me so we could go hang out or vent or just do something. All my good friends are online, the only girls I know are Bishop’s friend’s wives/girlfriends, and they have their own things going on and have no time for me. Ugh, I’m such a loser. Hopefully when I start doing the prenatal swim class or my pregnancy classes that I will meet some friends, I’m awfully lonely lately…

I wanted to send a shout-out to all my friends that have posted comments on here. I love reading them even if I don’t get back to you on them. I love you all!