Yesterday

Yesterday Granny got sick. She called the ambulance and they took her to the emergency room. She had diverticulitis and one had gotten blocked and burst. She had a major infection so when they did surgery they tried to clean everything up. This morning she died from the infection. I don’t know how I feel about it, sad obviously but I guess it hasn’t hit me. Later I will cry but for now I’m just in shock.

The Zoo

I found this website (thanks Mindy!) that is kind of interesting…you get to make your own zoo and it’s pretty cool.

The power of eight

I totally stole this post from Misty Dawn, I know she won’t mind….lol!  Here is her post… http://armyadamsgirl.blogspot.com/2009/05/8-things.html

Eight things I am looking forward to:

1. Derek crawling
2. Bishop getting a raise
3. Being called “mommy” – ditto
4. Getting some stability in our household
5. Finishing dying my hair (part one was today, part 2 on Friday)
6. Getting some time alone with mom
7. Paying off the truck, or the Jeep, or both
8. Buying a house (not happening soon but we are hopeful)

Eight things I did yesterday:

1. Made dinner (stir fry veggies and pot stickers)
2. Went to Costco
3. Took a nap
4. Had pizza
5. Drove around town
6. Watched Over the Hedge
7. Bought Derek some clothes
8. Called Lin’s therapist

Eight things I wish I could do:

1. Have a couple hours to myself without the kid
2. Keep the house clean without feeling like a maid
3. Travel some
4. Paint
5. Sleep for more than 3 hours at a time
6. Do something that I enjoy for a living
7. Get the tattoos that I want without freaking out about the price
8. Have a sandwich shop that I would OWN

Eight shows I watch:

1. House
2. Bones
3. Fringe
4. Anthony Bourdain – No Reservations
5. Criminal Minds
6. Life After People
7. Lie To Me
8. Good Eats

Eight favorite fruits:

1. Cherries
2. Apricots
3. Peaches
4. Melons
5. Strawberries
6. Mango
7. Papaya
8. Pineapple

Eight places I’d like to travel:

1. Ireland
2. Scotland
3. Japan
4. Australia
5. Italy
6. England
7. France
8. India

Eight places I’ve lived:

1. Modesto, Ca
2. Ceres, Ca
3. Atwater, Ca
4. Sonora, Ca
5. Arcata, Ca
6. Truckee, Ca
7. McKinleyville, Ca
8. Capitola, Ca

So, how’s it going?

(Side note: I started this entry 2 days ago, got interrupted and didn’t get to finish until now…)

Not too good actually.

Lin is still very upset with me.  We saw her Dr who upped her antidepressant again, second time in 2 weeks.  And we go to see him again on Tuesday.  He told her not to make any major decisions while she was so upset, you know, like moving out?  But he agreed that maybe staying a week at the group home might be a good idea just so she can get a taste of what somewhere else is like.  No therapy this Monday since it’s a holiday (sucks!) and we never rescheduled so I have no clue if we are going to have therapy this week or not.  I really need to call her therapist about an appt.

Mom is kinda freaking out at the thought of being out of work when Lin goes to the group home but she said something to me which may be a saving grace, unemployment.  We could both pull in unemployment checks until we find something else to do or Lin decides to move back in with us.  I’ll give her a month or so to figure it out and if she decides to stay after that month or so then I’m buckling down and finding a baby sitter. 

So I’m starting to sink into a depression about all of this.  I bought some movies the other day when I went to target and since then I’m pretty much only watched them and eaten candy.  Last night we did go to a friend’s house for a birthday BBQ and that was pretty cool but Derek was fussy almost the whole time and wouldn’t calm down to nap because of all the other kids running around.

For some reason Derek has become afraid of his crib.  Part of it is separation anxiety which while annoying is understandable but it’s still annoying.  Basically he will nurse or I’ll rock him to sleep then try to put him down in his crib and he will wake up right away and start crying.  Every time.  I’m at my wit’s end because although I love sleeping with the little guy I always wake up with a back ache from being in one position all night long.  So although I’ve always said I won’t do it I’ve been letting him cry it out.  Breaks my heart but he is getting to sleep a little better.  Last night he only cried for 3 minutes before going to sleep.  I’m hoping that it continues to work and that both of us can get more sleep.

Updates

Well, some updates about Lindsey’s situation.  I’ll probably be doing more updates since I have a serious need to vent along with keeping everyone informed.  And who knows, maybe someone can offer some advice to help us deal with all of this though I don’t expect anyone to have a clue what to do.  I certainly don’t.

Therapy yesterday wasn’t all that great.  Last week when Lin stayed late with her therapist cleaning her play room she expressed how upset she was living with us.  Her therapist told her all her options including moving into a group home.  Lin latched onto that thinking that if she moves out it will be all rainbows and sunshine if she lived with someone else.  You know, the grass is always greener.

Her therapist thinks all this depression and anxiety and irritability and paranoia is medication related.  None of her meds work long term, they tend to work for a couple years then they just stop working and we have to adjust everything and it takes months to find a combination that works.  Because that assessment was voiced we have an appt today with her psychiatrist to adjust meds.  Think good thoughts for her, I hate to see her so unhappy.

What I have a problem with is that I can do nothing to stop all of this from happening.  I know that when she moves in with someone else, be it a group home or a room mate or even mom, that she will blow out of that place in a couple months.  She won’t like their routines and rules and what she can’t do that she is able to do now and she will want to move back in with us.  We are her only offer for a permanent home.  The problem is that if I get a job, get daycare for Derek (and I’m ok with that, as long as I can find someone who won’t charge more than I’m making to watch him) and make a life for ourselves without her living with us and then she wants to move back in with us, well, I’m not sure I could go through the transition that would entail.  It was a HUGE adjustment from working a normal job to caring for Lin, and to do it now with Derek to consider would be too much for me to handle.  And the last thing I want is to tell Lin “tough shit, you made you bed, now lay in it” because she doesn’t understand that concept.

So I’m looking for jobs.  If I work from 6 until midnight Bishop could watch Derek and we wouldn’t have to worry about daycare.  But if I find a good paying day job then I’ll have to find someone who will watch him.  Mom can’t do it because if Lin moves out she will have to find a job as well and who knows what hours she would have to work.

Now this is all theoretical.  With a med change, one that works, it may not be an issue any more.  Or she could go and stay a week with this group home (she has an opening, a week there might convince her how good she has it with us) and decide that she doesn’t want that.  Or she might even move in with mom witch would meant that mom could watch Derek during the day while I work.  Or a hundred other possibilities.  I’m just not sure if I can sit around and wait for a decision to be made that would make me HAVE to go do something.  Ug, I hate this.